Random Quote

Romance is the adventure of emotional idealism.  

— Karmayogi

Relationships

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Romance was reborn!

When i was tiered and weary in my marital life i got the guidance from IRES " To accept the accusations happily and Submit to them. Another key received is to stop complaining. and also a very strong message from one one of the member, " In family the win should be for the integrity and welfare of the whole family and not for individual ego. " formed the base of restructuring my Marital Life.

My sincere Gratitude to IRES for the same.

 

What is the difference between self-givingness and helping?

What is the difference between self-givingness and helping?  Isn't the attitude behind both same -- given out of concern for other?

Self-forgetfulness

What is exactly meant by self-forgetfulness?  How does it contribute to romance and what are the practicaal strategies to achieve self-forgetfulness?

Love/Marriage and Astrology and matching horoscopes for wedding

I want to know what is the co-relation between the strategies suggested by you, i.e. the phenomena of life-response (as regards to finding the right partner) and astrology (Indian Vedic astrology)? What role does one's past karma play in getting a life patrner?  I am particularly intrigued as astrologically speaking I should have been in a relationship about 4 years ago, and several predictions in this regard have not come to pass. E.g. I would be in a relationship by Sept 2009, but come to think of it, I haven't yet found the man and this prediction too seemed to be doomed!! And now, according to astrology I have crossed my time of marriage.  This gloomy scenario scares me but I still refuse to give up hope.  But I want to know the co-relation between the methods you propose and Indian astrology?   The methods you propose give me hope but astrologers predict gloom?  And other question is - In India it is a common practice to match horoscopes before marriage.  How right is this tradition?  What happens if one's horoscope is not matched.  Astrologers predict doom in such cases specially if a certain planet (I think Mars) is not rightly placed.  Is it so?

How do you distinguish between infatuation and love

I have been in situations, where i am attracted to a person - strong emotional attraction, or an interest in them, or a desire to talk to them and spend time with them or have some feelings for them.  But is it love because I have not seen a recprocation of my feelings/interest/attraction from the other person to the same degree?  How does one distinguish for oneself that what one feels is love or is it infatuation?  I had two instances in my life where I felt something strong for someone- something momentary and inexplicable feelings and attraction - but these feelings were not reciprocated, infact rejected, were my feelings love or infatuation.  But as I realize reading your posts the reasons could be expectations on my part (therefore I can term my feelings as not real love) and lack of self-givingness and ofcourse I needed to grow-up as these people came in as mirrors in my life showing 'Me' to myself?  Can infatutation be converted into love and then be reciprocated from the other party?

Difference of Intensity Between Two Partners

Happy Relationships with Different Intensities
In the popular imagination it is assumed that the best relationships are those that are of equal intensity, but experience proves otherwise. We see many if not most relationships consisting of very different intensities between partners. For example, one partner is fulfilled by giving all his love to his mate; the other is fulfilled by receiving it. They are both fulfilled, one by giving, the other by receiving. Of course, there are shading in between. Yet, rarely are the balances of energies the same or equal, despite what Hollywood and the popular imagination considers the romantic norm.
 

Unhappy Relationship with Different Intensities
Then there are cases where the differences in feeling begin to tip to the negative side -- i.e. where one party loves and the other does not, or does less so. This occurs for many reasons. From the perspective of the unhappy partner one must look at that person's aspirations and intentions in their romantic relationships; the character and nature of that individual (e.g. is it mature or not); that person's decision making capacity; that person's awareness of the truth of the situation; if there is infatuation, as opposed to real love; and so forth.

 

A Discussion
Why don't we begin a discussion here about the nature of relationship with different levels of intensity between the two parties. I.e.-

-whether it is a happy relationship with different intensities between the two of you, and why; i.e. how do the energies express and why does that bring contentment, or-

-whether it is a less than happy or unhappy relationship (which normally suggests different intensities), and what might be the cause of this unhappiness. I.e. the cause in yourself (see above possibilities) or in the other person.

As we become aware of the nature of our relationship in this way, it will be that much easier to identify and apply approproate Romance and Harmony principles that would help us build Truer Love with our partner, (through such methods as being more self-giving, admiring our opposite traits, and others).

One sided love/arranged love/triangular love

I am wondering why many a times love is one-sided? One person feels very deeply, however the other claims to feel nothing and sometimes ends up causing a lot of hurt to the other person? Sometimes the other person loves someone else?  Why does these situations happen?  What lessons does a one-sided love teach? A lot of Bollywood movies depict triangular love stories e.g. Kuch Kuch hota hai, Dil to pagal hai etc, Ofcourse these movies are exaggerated, but do they say something deeper about life?

Secondly, does everyone expereince true love - does everyone qualify for true love? I see a lot of people
getting married, especially arranged marriages, where people are matched on education, family's social standing, income (or the potential to provide a good life), looks, age etc ?  Are these marriages based on convenience or is there some love beneath the obviously love-less surface.

Different Values and religion

In dating someone with diffirent culture and background, is the values and religion the basis in having a successful relationship?

Can true love be rejected

Why does a true love(feeling of pure love, no possesiveness) get rejected sometimes? is it some thing to do with inner-outer correspondences?

How do you decide if you should marry?

I’m a bit confused at the moment because I’m trying to figure out what factors you should consider when deciding whether to marry someone. On the one hand many people talk about sparks and chemistry, and feeling as though you can’t live without this person. On the other side, however, there are the voices who say it’s companionship, commitment, and common values and goals. Or are we supposed to be looking for all of the above?

Also, at what point do you have to start considering the odds of finding someone better? Imagine, for instance, that there’s something about you that is way outside the norm and is quite unpopular. If you find someone who accepts that part of you, and is a good person that you’re interested in, do you grab them? Or do you still wait for the whole fireworks extravaganza?

And just to clarify, when I’m talking fireworks and chemistry, I’m talking about the can’t-stop-thinking-about-you, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you, kind of chemistry. In my nonchemistry model I am assuming there’s enough chemistry that you enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship, but you’re not totally blown away. So, what factors should be considered when deciding whether or not you should marry someone?

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