Random Quote

Those who seek the security of marriage do not find romance.

— Karmayogi

Partner changed when I stopped insisting

About three months ago, I learned that my partner had been paying exorbitantly high interest rates on her bank credit cards and suggested that she contact the banks to negotiate lower rates. Unfortunately, she never took up my advice; in part, because she is not the type who would take such aggressive actions. This was not the only problems she had working with her credit cards. The bigger problem was that as a result of her lack of organization, she has had no obvious way to know when the cards were due, and followed a haphazard approach to paying the bills. Not unexpectedly, the card and other financial companies were always calling at the worst time, and sending notices by mail, which in turn raised her interest rates.

Several months ago, I asked IRES how to deal with my partner's lack of personal organization. In particular, I wondered what I could do that would encourage her to improve housekeeping-including things strewn about and paperwork clutter that prevents her from paying her accounts in a regular and timely manner. I decided to follow some of IRES's strategies for improving harmony, including not complaining, not trying to change my partner, not bullying and not reacting. I felt my initial efforts went well, with a few small setbacks along the way.

Without any further prodding on my part, last week, my partner suddenly decided to call one of the banks. Later she told me that she had worked out an agreement where she would make one, single payment against all her cards to this bank and they would then process the amounts to the individual cards for her. This single payment approach was the perfect solutions for her, who for years had problems paying her cards and meeting other large financial obligations on time! Afterwards I realized that my decision to stop complaining and trying to change her had prompted her to do something I had been unsuccessfully urging her to do for months.